Sunday, August 19, 2007
BIG PAYCHECK
I asked God to send me a big paycheck.
So He sent me a bunch of coffee, saying,
"STOP GOING TO STARBUCKS!"
Sunday, August 12, 2007
THE EX
Before we were married, I open one of her albums and find a picture of MY friend.
"What the heck's he doing in your album?"
"He used to be my boyfriend." Big laugh.
Fast forward to the future....
Turning left at a corner with my wife at my side, a bicycle cuts across our car's path. All of us, including the cyclist, are stunned. He gives us an astonished look, and then moves on.
My wife and I look at each other, then say in unison, "That was HIM!"
Second big laugh.
"What the heck's he doing in your album?"
"He used to be my boyfriend." Big laugh.
Fast forward to the future....
Turning left at a corner with my wife at my side, a bicycle cuts across our car's path. All of us, including the cyclist, are stunned. He gives us an astonished look, and then moves on.
My wife and I look at each other, then say in unison, "That was HIM!"
Second big laugh.
Saturday, August 04, 2007
LOVE?
"As you make your vows today, I also make my own vow to you!"
And so the writer, in the mad haze that he confused for that emotion we all crave, staked his claim on his beloved on her wedding day.
Would things have been different had he written instead:
"Today as you make your vows, I wish you all the happiness in this world. I hope he can give you what I could not, and that all your dreams are fulfilled."
And so the writer, in the mad haze that he confused for that emotion we all crave, staked his claim on his beloved on her wedding day.
Would things have been different had he written instead:
"Today as you make your vows, I wish you all the happiness in this world. I hope he can give you what I could not, and that all your dreams are fulfilled."
Wednesday, August 01, 2007
THE SECRET
THE SECRET Jul 28, '07 5:43 AM
for everyone
Philippine machismo requires that in his lifetime, the average Filipino male should drink a gazillion liters of alcohol. Among politicians, especially, this is a must, and proof of his electability is counted among the bottles of beer he consumes.
I must confess, however, that I do not have that problem. Give me enough beer and I just keel over.
Seriously, I am not able to consume alcohol in the prodigious amounts some of my friends do and confine myself, in large part, to the world of a mild social drinker's cocktails. I regret the nights I cannot control myself. Let's face it: Drunk is a bad state to be in. The next day's hangover even worse.
I even stopped dating a perfectly nice girl for the simple reason she could consume more beer than I could (and to this day she must be wondering why). My mistake, maybe she would have been... errr... nicer... had I let her drink more.
So it made me wonder, if you have to be an alcoholic to be a successful politician, doesn't that make us a country run by drunkards? A country beholden to the San Miguel Corporation?
Until I discovered the secret, unveiled to me by a politician at a party when the drinks were served.
"Here we go again!", he said, making me raise one eyebrow. Sensing my curiosity, he asked, "You know what I do when I find myself in situations where everyone is supposed to drink himself blind?"
I shrugged my shoulders.
He continues, "I drink the first bottle of beer, a little of the second, excuse myself to the bathroom, pour most of the beer out of the second bottle before returning to the table. I then repeat this procedure for every succeeding bottle making sure I take no more than a few sips from each."
I nearly gagged on MY beer. Now I know what to do.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~O~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Can you imagine the nerve of some people? At church, during mass, someone actually lit a cigarette, I almost dropped my beer!
Thanks for this joke, Verns!
for everyone
Philippine machismo requires that in his lifetime, the average Filipino male should drink a gazillion liters of alcohol. Among politicians, especially, this is a must, and proof of his electability is counted among the bottles of beer he consumes.
I must confess, however, that I do not have that problem. Give me enough beer and I just keel over.
Seriously, I am not able to consume alcohol in the prodigious amounts some of my friends do and confine myself, in large part, to the world of a mild social drinker's cocktails. I regret the nights I cannot control myself. Let's face it: Drunk is a bad state to be in. The next day's hangover even worse.
I even stopped dating a perfectly nice girl for the simple reason she could consume more beer than I could (and to this day she must be wondering why). My mistake, maybe she would have been... errr... nicer... had I let her drink more.
So it made me wonder, if you have to be an alcoholic to be a successful politician, doesn't that make us a country run by drunkards? A country beholden to the San Miguel Corporation?
Until I discovered the secret, unveiled to me by a politician at a party when the drinks were served.
"Here we go again!", he said, making me raise one eyebrow. Sensing my curiosity, he asked, "You know what I do when I find myself in situations where everyone is supposed to drink himself blind?"
I shrugged my shoulders.
He continues, "I drink the first bottle of beer, a little of the second, excuse myself to the bathroom, pour most of the beer out of the second bottle before returning to the table. I then repeat this procedure for every succeeding bottle making sure I take no more than a few sips from each."
I nearly gagged on MY beer. Now I know what to do.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~O~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Can you imagine the nerve of some people? At church, during mass, someone actually lit a cigarette, I almost dropped my beer!
Thanks for this joke, Verns!
Subscribe to Posts [Atom]
