Tisoy Blog!

So Vladimir Putin has launched an instructional video on Judo. And the former Prime Minister of Thailand was sacked for showing his culinary skills on a cooking show?

Well, why shouldn't we let world leaders show off their non-political skills? Why limit them to the staid and stogy? I say let them show off what else they can do other than lead a country.

Other instructional videos we'd like to see:

1. How to Overcome your Height Disadvantage and Get Your Dream Job - Gloria Arroyo

2. Voodoo for Dummies - Jean Claude Duvalier

3. How to Keep Fit and Enjoy Your Beer - George W. Bush

4. You Can Be a Party Animal in College and Still Be President of the United States - George W. Bush

5. Guide to Airport Bathrooms - Boris Yeltsin with a foreword by U.S. Senator Larry Craig

6. Brainwashing for Beginners - Kim Il Jong

7. How to Survive a Breakup and Find New Love - Nicolas Sarkozy

8. Legal Handbook on Eviction - Dmitry Medvedev

9.Cooking With Substitutes - Hu Jintao

And, wait for it.... this is the one the men are waiting for....

10. How to Pick Up Chicks by Bill Clinton

Bored at the wake of a friend's father, I decided to tour the funeral parlor to see if anyone else I knew was off to the great beyond.

I spot a counter, and intrigued by stacks of what look like money, I decide to take a closer look. Sure enough, money it was, bundles and bundles of money, in amounts you're unlikely to see in your bank account during your lifetime. Only this was the kind of money people burn to send off a loved one to make sure he has enough of it to lead an exorbitant lifestyle in heaven. "Gee", I thought, "Some people really believe you can take it with you."

But it got me thinking, what if you really needed cold hard cash in heaven? I went to bed with this thought in my head.....

I arrive at the pearly gates where Saint Peter is waiting for me. The gates are surrounded not by angels but by ordinary souls like me. For some reason, they're not in a hurry to get in line and just seem to be, well, loitering.

"That will be One Million Divinars." (the heavenly currency). Naturally, being a Catholic, my friends neglected to burn me up some moolah.

"But I don't have that kind of money!" I tell Saint Peter. "I didn't know you had to pay for admission to heaven!"

"That's alright." St. Peter tells me. "Sign here and here." And he hands me some legal looking documents.

"This is for a loan", I say, "for over five million divinars. Am I paying for more than the cost of admission?"

"Where do you think you're going to live in heaven?" retorts the guy with the keys. "We're going to get you a house."

"A house? How the heck am I going to pay for that?"

Saint Peter tells me not to worry. "Don't fret, the miminum wage here in heaven is quite considerable. You'll get a job soon. And because we're giving you forty years to pay for your loan, why, you would still be productive then and able to continue to make payments, even though your loan is at a subprime rate. Not too bad a deal to get your own slice of paradise, eh? And you came just in time, heaven is currently full of cheap homes."

St. Peter has got me convinced, and I am about to affix my John Hancock when curiosity gets the better of me. "St. Peter, who are those people just hanging around the gates?"

"Oh, don't worry about them. They're not going to bother you. They're the reason the homes in heaven are so cheap now. Some of them got sick, some of them lost their jobs. Most of them just couldn't make the payments on their homes because they spent their money on unnecessary things, like food, clothing, education... who needs that in heaven?" *wink* *wink*

I look beyond the gates and see some beautiful palatial homes. "Is my house going to look like that?"

"Oh, heavens, no! Those belong to the people who are giving you the loan. Those are really great folks, them bankers. They give you money to buy your house, which you only have to pay for all your life, and the only guarantee that you'll pay is your house itself!"

"So if I can't pay, they kick me out of my home?"

"Well, only if you can't pay."

"But if enough people can't pay, they lose money too?"

"Oh, that's what the Big Guy's for. To bail them out in case too many borrowers don't pay their loans."

"And these people around the gates? Is anyone going to bail them out?"

St. Peter struggles for an answer, "Uhhmmm, ahmmmm......"

I wake up in a start and begin writing an e-mail to my friend.

"Should I croak before you do, there's this little counter at the parlor....."

Equilibrium has been restored! To get the best firewall, you have to pay for it!

Bringing back sense to the adage that, "You get what you pay for.", Agnitum's Outpost Firewall has topped the latest leak tests from Matousec. No more free ride from COMODO firewall.

Outpost is a firewall that I've personally tried several times, being one of the first firewalls compatible with Windows XP x64. For one reason or another, though, I've always ended up uninstalling it, even though it had two things working for it:

First, it had a reasonably good anti-spyware module to help beef up the woefully inadequate anti-spyware capabilities of my BitDefender antivirus (I hate those all in one security suites). Second, like BitDefender, it has a "game mode", that makes the two of them an ideal combo for a gamer like me. Unlike BitDefender, though, Outpost detects when a full screen application is running and switches modes automatically.

I had to uninstall the 2008 version, however, when I noticed my puter significantly slowed down after a few minutes on standby, an unacceptable intrusion on my gaming experience.

Agnitum promises a firewall that takes up fewer resources with the 2009 edition, however, and yes, they did it right this time. My computer's fans no longer suddenly start spinning faster when on standby nor does the firewall take up valuable resources needed for gaming.

Looks like Outpost Firewall 2009 is a winner!

Here's something that appeals to both the geeky puter nut and the motor enthusiast in me: Codemasters has won the rights to produce Formula One video games.

Codemasters is the same company that made Colin McRae: DiRT, so unlike SONY, that produced F1 games only for the PlayStation, we should see an F1 game for the PC once again. The last PC version was EA Sports' F1 2002.

I might be able to put that steering wheel to good use again. I hope they make a 64 bit version.

Windows XP's final service pack has finally been released. After encountering a final delay that doesn't involve you and me (unless you own a Windows embedded cash register), the much anticipated update is yours to download.

Because the bug is not likely to affect most users, the service pack had already been available for download previously from Softpedia and other download sites with the appropriate warning. Suspicions were raised that Microsoft sought to delay the release one more time so as to force Windows users to consider upgrading to Vista, but that was apparently only idle speculation.

For many users, this will be the last version of XP, maybe even of Windows, that they will use.

A couple of days ago, I found out why Macs will NEVER outsell the trusty old PC (although the distinction between Macs and PC becomes more and more blurred).

I'm in the market for a notebook with a modest budget: P40,000.00 is all I can spare. But even at that price, I've been shown LOTS of notebooks with all the features I could possibly need. I even get a discount if I don't include Windows and am more concerned with compatibility with my spare copy of XP x64.

The last PC store I was at happened to be next to the Mac store in Ayala, and since my wife happened to be with me, she said, "Let's go see".

So first thing I do is ask the attendant, "What can I get for 40k?" And he answers, "You can't. The least expensive Macbook is a little over P60,000.00."

When I ask to see it I am shown an ugly black brick that looks nothing like the nifty Macs in the ads. I never thought I would say this, for the one thing I like about Macs are their looks, and this one was uglier than ALL the PC notebooks I had seen.

My wife asks to see the new Macbook "Air". We were brought to another attendant who was manning one at the counter. Now while the "Air" is absolutely beautiful and will fit in a Manila envelope, it comes in at just under 100k. More than a little over budget. Plus, the attendant's answers were short and curt, as if he was busy doing something with the Mac. I look at the screen, and he's only browsing the Yahoo website.

I ask him, can I get an Office Suite with that? And he says, "No, you have to have it installed here unless you get an extra drive. And that's MICROSOFT Office 2008 Home and Student edition."

I think, MICROSOFT? Why bother? Here I am, a PC user with my mind open about leaving Microsoftware, and the MAC dude wants me to pay for MICROSOFT OFFICE? Didn't he even hear about OpenOffice?

I shake my head and realize the whole exercise is pointless. Again, twice the price for half the power still isn't worth it.

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The much awaited Kubuntu 8.04 with KDE 4.0 has been released together with its twin, Ubuntu 8.04.

While Kubuntu is a variant of Ubuntu, there is more excitement about the release of Kubuntu because of KDE 4.0, the latest version of the K Desktop Environment. Among the upgrades to version 4.0 are the ability to add gadgets directly on the desktop, much like Google's and Vista's sidebars. This is a major visual upgrade for Kubuntu while Ubuntu (except for some nifty new desktop wallpaper) looks virtually the same.

Both of them, though, feature the "compiz fusion" desktop that puts Windows Vista to shame.

Already the demand for the KDE 4.0 version is so high that it has become impossible to download them from the usual "Europe" and "England" locations. As of this writing, a third "German" link was added.

If you're tired of paying a premium for your operating system and office software, now is the time to try some of the easiest and friendliest versions of Linux (though you might want to wait a couple of days due to high demand, I can hear their servers creaking under the weight). Ubuntu and Kubuntu remain completely free.

There are an increasing number of signs that in the PC world, Windows is NOT the future. In its most recent poll, Sunbelt-Software, which makes software EXCLUSIVELY for Windows, asked the respondents, "Is Windows Collapsing?" The result: 57% answered, "If they don't make some radical changes, they will."

The result is astounding, but it reflects an increasing confidence among PC users that they could do very well without Microsoft in their future, thank you.

Part of the reason, of course, is the increasing popularity of Linux. It is difficult to put a finger on how many computers actually have Linux installed because software use has traditionally been measured by sales, and the most popular brands of Linux are free.

However, the package handlers at the post office no longer raise eyebrows whenever a recipient picks up his copy of Free Ubuntu. If you browse the forums over at istorya.net, you will find a lot of Cebuanos have already moved over to Ubuntu and its twin brother, Kubuntu. My daughter's school has changed their operating system from Windows to Edubuntu, thus ensuring that future graduates will be more familiar with Linux than with Windows.

The big surprise, though, was that PC World's latest issue featured Linux replacements for Windows programs as the lead story. Commentators on the radio show of its rival, PC Mag, stated on air that their recommendations to Microsoft for improving Windows have finally been fulfilled, by Ubuntu.

Already, Linux users using the KDE interface are eagerly awaiting the latest versions of their favored brand of Linux that will offer KDE 4.0. Version 4.0 is a major tweaking of the interface that features better graphics. Many have been so impatient that they decided to install the beta previews, bugs notwithstanding. If you download the latest version of FREE openSUSE, you will find an incredibly polished implementation of KDE. Of course, SUSE benefits from being the leading commercial brand of Linux, having released a free version only when Ubuntu came along.

So as a diehard Windows fan, do I think Windows is going to collapse?

I am watching for two signs that will confirm that it will. The first is that Adobe will release native Linux versions of its popular Photoshop. The second, that the most popular games will be playable in Linux.

Disney has reportedly jumped the gun and is running Photoshop on Linux using the Windows emulator WINE. As for games, you can already run the latest version of Quake on Linux WITHOUT any emulator at all. What will happen when a major distributor like Steamgames jumps on board the Linux bandwagon?

Let's just say I cast my vote with the 57%.

Dear Mr. Gates:

I write to you as a long time fan of Windows, no, not just XP, Windows. I have been a fan of Windows since version 3.0, when I proclaimed to all my friends that the future was Windows, and everyone better drop their DOS applications and find Windows based equivalents.

I know you are no longer CEO, but it's hard to imagine that Stevie won't jump when you snap your fingers.

Listen, Bill, just as I predicted then that Windows would soon be the leading environment and eventually operating system, I am afraid I see nothing less than the demise of Windows. Yes, the DEATH of Windows. And all because you wanted your youngest daughter, Vista, to do everything.

You didn't listen to one little beta tester (me) when he told you that you should develop Vista as an exclusively 64 bit operating system and leave 32 bit with XP. Maybe it's time you listened to user feedback. Apart from developing several versions of Vista, your software engineers, not to mention those from third party developers, now have to divide their efforts between 32 bit and 64 bit Vista.

Did you really expect owners of 32 bit computers to enthusiastically shell out for something silly called Vista Basic? On the other hand, was your vision of the future one of owners of 64 bit computers using only half their pc's capacity because they preferred to use the 32 bit version of Windows? What has thou wrought upon us, Mr. Gates?

The Microsoft I knew circa Windows 3.0 was a company that was not afraid to take the forefront in technology, heck, we all know the old Microsoft would steal it if it could. But today's Microsoft is a company that wants to straddle the fence and leave one foot in the past.

It's time you decided to plant both feet firmly in the future. The answer is staring you in the face: END SUPPORT FOR 32 BIT VISTA WITH SP1. From now on, proclaim that only the 64 bit version of Vista will be further developed. Kill off Vista Basic and Business and sell only Vista Home Premium and Vista Ultimate. Most importantly, drop the price of Home Premium to that of Basic and Ultimate to that of Business.

Will current owners of Home Premium and Ultimate let out a howl? Of course they will, but you could always make them happy by offering discounts on Office 2007. Or give them a copy of XP.

And how about 32 bit users? No problem. Continue supporting XP until everyone has a 64 bit PC, or at least, until all third party vendors have come up with 64 bit versions of their software. XP is nice & mature and with all the fixes over the years, a relatively stable operating system. It's a heck of an operating system. Certainly you should have noticed that by now from the sheer number of users who refuse to leave it for Vista. And the interface and eye candy can still be improved. Witness the Zune and Royale (Bliss 2) desktop themes, Aeroflip for XP, Transparent taskbar and even *gasp* Google sidebar for XP.

If you continue to threaten XP users with "end of support" announcements, you're only going to make them jump, and they're not going to jump and buy an expensive copy of Vista, they're going to jump to FREE Linux. Even you will admit, that Linux has always been a more stable operating system than Windows, and that Windows only had the edge in user friendliness, an edge that has all but now disappeared. One day, I just popped an Ubuntu Linux CD in my office puter, and, unlike Windows, I HAVE NEVER HAD TO TWEAK WITH THE OPERATING SYSTEM SINCE.

Maybe them open source guys are on to something?

Maybe you should get a copy for yourself?

All I'm saying, Bill, is give your company some focus: 64 bit Vista for today's hardware and the future, and 32 bit XP to support Windows on old computers (and those new low end low cost puters like the Asus Eee as well). It will also help ease the pain of users and developers alike in moving over to the 64 bit world.

This is the vision Microsoft should have for the immediate future. Otherwise, the future will belong to Linux, and Windows will be fondly spoken of in the past tense.

Sincerely,

A loyal Windows user.

"If IBM had listened to consumers, OS/2 would be the leading operating system today."
"If Vista is the future, why is it 32 bit?"

Congratulations to the new lawyers, particularly those from the University of Cebu, led by Atty. Christian Llido, who placed tenth, and of course from my alma mater, the University of San Carlos.

For UC, this is the second year in the row we have a lawyer in the top ten, thus, we can say that our school has always been in the top ten since Atty. Llido, et al. comprise our second batch of graduates.

The University of Cebu is not resting on its laurels. The practice court program has recently been upgraded. The Jessup Moot Court course (appellate and oral advocacy) will now be offered for the first semester, while the second semester features the leading trial court simulation program in the United States, adapted for Philippine use, of course. The program has a strong emphasis on the presentation of evidence.

The upgraded program should ensure that graduates of our school are not only capable of topping the bar, but are also effective trial practitioners.

FREE AGAIN! Jan 31, '08 12:09 PM
for everyone

So that so many questions won't be asked, I'd like to confirm that, yes, I have left the government.

While there were so many reasons to leave, I finally decided to go on a matter of principle as some justices of the Supreme Court apparently have a different point of view of a certain piece of the law.

Before this turns into a scathing attack, allow me to end by saying THAT BASIC LAW IS SOMETHING YOU CAN STATE CLEARLY. Where there is no rule to deal with a specific situation, how can there be basic law?

Among those who agree that the way I handled a case was the ONLY LOGICAL thing to do UNDER THE RULES:

1. A former Supreme Court justice whose duties require him to be throughly familiar with the rule involved.

2. A senior Cout of Appeals justice who is known for his intelligence and integrity.

3. A Regional Trial Judge who has long been teaching Remedial Law and is considered an authority on it.

At least I can tell the difference between an ordinary civil action and a special proceeding.

There are advantages to being in the private sector though:

1. I can party hard again (as if I ever did, okay, party mild, but hard if I want to.)!

2. I can visit the casino again.

3. No one will raise eyebrows if I cruise the town at night.

4. I can pay attention to some businesses I've neglected while in the government.

Most of all, I get to spend more time with my daughter.

The women's semifinal cast of the Australian Open is complete and there's another reason for you to watch! This is by far the most beautiful assemblage of women in the semifinals of a Tennis Grand Slam in memory. Who's in?

Maria Sharapova-tennis' current "glamour girl". Shook the tennis world as a teenager when she won Wimbledon beating Serena Williams. The most bankable tennis player/endorsement model by far and not just because of her tennis.

Ana Ivanovic-boasts that she has the most viewed website among women tennis players. And for good reason: Although a Serb, she has a pretty face and nice tan complexion that could make her pass for a Filipina; A tall, strong Filipina.

Daniela Hantuchova-the erstwhile "next Ana Kournikova" (except she wins matches) until Maria Sharapova came along. Daniela's game has matured nicely over the years and she exhibited an iron will in demolishing another pretty Russian, Maria Kirilenko.

Jelena Jankovic-Currently the world no. 3, this pretty Serb (2 Serbs, 1 Russian and a Slovak? The Eastern Bloc HAS invaded), ousted Serena Williams in the quarterfinals. "JJ" looks set to take all the marbles in this year's Australian Open, if Sharapova doesn't.

Forgive me for being giddy all over. I intend to be a couch potato the next few days....

Curious about how a website I used to visit on my old cellphone was doing, I dropped by Ananova.com and came across this strange article;

MAN MARRIES DOG

A man in southern India has married a dog on the advice of an astrologer.

Selva Kumar, 33, tied the knot with a three-year-old bitch called Selvi to get rid of a curse for killing two dogs 15 years ago.

Within four days of killing the animals, Kumar started suffering from paralysis, reports the Mumbai Mirror.

Medical treatment led to no improvement so he saw a local astrologer who told him the curse would be lifted if he married a bitch.

The groom, from Avilakulam in Tamil Nadu, wore a white dhoti and shirt while the bride was dressed in a pink silk saree for the wedding ceremony.

The ceremony ended with Kumar tying the Hindu 'sacred thread' around the dog's neck and vowing to take care of his wife forever.

At the feast that followed, the groom fed his bride her favourite food - buns."

:-D And then you marry one....

My daughter asked me to help her design a T-shirt for her Science Club and this is what I came up with.

She'll never forgive me....

Hey, all intellectual rights reserved. Send me a check if you want to use it.

Catching the Sunday News story on the Bar exams, my wife asked me the reason for its unique name. After all, not every government administered examination has a special nickname all its own.

If you visit a properly furnished courtroom, you will notice that there is a bar that separates the public (the gallery) from the lawyers and the judge. This emphasizes that the public, while free to witness the proceedings, takes no part and should respect the trial process (mostly by remaining silent).

When one passes the Supreme Court administered examinations, he becomes a lawyer who is entitled to participate in his case and enter the area he was previously excluded from. Thus, he may be said to have "passed the bar". Hence, the "Bar Examinations".

Well, now you've learned two parts of a courtroom. Here are a few other parts:

The "Dock" - The area where prisoners are held while waiting for their case to be called. Usually a bench at the same side of the exit to help facilitate their escape.

The "Bench" - Where the judge sits, although called the bench, it is usually the most comfortable seat in the room. Surprisingly, the "bench" also includes his table.

The "Sidebar" - In early courtroom designs, the "bar" was usually "U"- shaped, so that it extended to the side of the bench where some of the gallery could actually sit. When a judge would call lawyers to confer on matters that were not fit to be made of record, he called them close to the bench in an area at the "side of the bar". It now refers to the area immediately in front of the bench where the judge and lawyers have their "sidebar" sometimes called a "sidebar conference".

I asked God to send me a big paycheck.

So He sent me a bunch of coffee, saying,

"STOP GOING TO STARBUCKS!"

Before we were married, I open one of her albums and find a picture of MY friend.

"What the heck's he doing in your album?"

"He used to be my boyfriend." Big laugh.

Fast forward to the future....

Turning left at a corner with my wife at my side, a bicycle cuts across our car's path. All of us, including the cyclist, are stunned. He gives us an astonished look, and then moves on.

My wife and I look at each other, then say in unison, "That was HIM!"

Second big laugh.

"As you make your vows today, I also make my own vow to you!"

And so the writer, in the mad haze that he confused for that emotion we all crave, staked his claim on his beloved on her wedding day.

Would things have been different had he written instead:

"Today as you make your vows, I wish you all the happiness in this world. I hope he can give you what I could not, and that all your dreams are fulfilled."